81 Days

Today I am on my 81st day of sobriety. Eighty-one days may not seem like much but for this girl it’s a major victory! Some of those days I have had to fight for with everything I have. I’ve had to drop to my knees, pray and cry out to God for this pain to end. My children and husband have found me lying on my closet floor on several occasions and have given me the “your crazy” look when I’ve told them I’m talking to God. I now wish that I would have started writing sooner while the memories and feelings were still fresh but in the beginning I was still paralyzed by fear of what people would say or think of me. I was also in great fear of relapse because I’ve tried this before and failed but God started working on my heart and I knew this time was different. Over the past 11 months God had already been helping to slow my drinking down. It became an occasional event and I thought I had finally mastered this thing called “social drinking” but eventually I realized that it was only a matter of time before Mrs.Hyde came back. I had already began seeing signs of her again. So on the day that I knew it was time to stop I was ready. I also made the choice to throw away all of my electronic cigarettes (which I closet case smoked). If you have ever experienced nicotine withdrawal then you can imagine how badly I wanted to put my fist through a wall but I knew it was time to cut ties without all addictions. I kept faith that God had a plan for me and luckily he gave me grace. No matter how badly I was hurting on the inside I knew he was in control and taking these addictions from me. My favorite part of this journey has been finding out who I am without any of these crutches. I still have days where I think sobriety doesn’t feel normal for me. Well it’s not normal for my body because I haven’t gone eighty-one days without alcohol since I was fifteen(except for pregnancies)! I have been teaching myself for too many years to have a drink when your happy, have a drink when your mad, have a drink when your lonely, have a drink because it’s summer time, and etc. So many things trigger my addictions but I know that I’m not that person anymore! I am now happy, healthy, and loving every moment of this new life! I’m learning to take things one day at a time and I won’t make the promise to stay sober forever but I will promise to stay sober today!

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4 thoughts on “81 Days

  1. “One day at a time”! You are doing everything you should. All of us are called to not worry and just take one day at a time. There are enough things to do in one day! PTL you know who to talk to when you are weak as He is the only one who can keep you strong! I admire your courage and honesty! You definitely are on my prayer list! I’m here for you whenever you need to talk or pray!! LOL 😊

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