Over the past several months the “who am I now” question has been plaguing me. I use to believe that I was bold, confident, and outgoing. It turns out those are Drunk Misty traits. The real me is extremely shy until I feel comfortable with people or the situation that I’m in. I’m a little insecure and I feel awkward in most social settings. Drunk Misty never felt awkward and she loved a crowd. It may seem strange that I talk about my intoxicated self as if she is another person but she was. It was a complete Jekyll & Hyde effect. So now what happens when Hyde is gone? More so who am I now as a Christian? For a long time I only wanted to be ankles deep in my faith because I wasn’t ready to let go of my sinful life and I thought diving in meant changing who I am! Why was I in so much fear when I didn’t even know who I was? I knew that strengthening my faith would mean letting go of alcohol and possibly nicotine but I was afraid I would also end up losing my sense of style, my music, and my tattoos. Will I be wearing a turtleneck and slacks everyday? Are the days of big hair, lots of make up, and hard rock concerts going to be over? We’ll I’m happy to say this is not the case! God doesn’t want to change who we are! He wants to make us the best possible versions of ourselves! Has my sense of style changed in this process, not at all! I’m still girly with a rocker edge and love everything about alternative fashion but I’ve learned the word modesty. I no longer feel the need to dress in a sexual manner because I now have self-worth. My dresses are a little longer and my chest is covered. I still love hard rock music but I now listen to a lot more christian hard rock bands. I will continue going to concerts because I love them and there’s a huge world of rockers out there who are just like me and I want to reach out to them! I have still been getting tattoos but they typically have something to do with my savior. By the time I fly away I’m sure I will be covered in the word of God! You see he has forced no changes upon me but the closer I grow to him the more I desire to reflect his image. I may not have myself completely figured out yet but I do know there are a lot of amazing qualities that I now possess that Drunk Misty didn’t. She had no sexual integrity, or self-worth, and she was extremely vain at times. She was only what she thought a man wanted her to be. I on the other hand have learned that beauty comes from within. Our skin has nothing to do with it. I respect myself and hold my power by covering the parts of my body that are only meant to be seen by my husband. I’m stronger than I ever thought possible and I’m learning to love myself even with all my flaws. Finally my best change is myself as a mother. I’ve always loved my children to the moon and back but now they have me completely. They no longer compete for my attention because I have no negative distractions. We dance, sing, and act crazy together and could care less whose watching. Everyday my life is a little bit more restored!
“Generous in love-God, give grace! Huge in mercy-wipe out my bad record. Scrub away my guilt, soak out my sins in your laundry. I know how bad I’ve been; my sins are staring me down.” PSALM 51;1,2 MSG