I have reached an exciting milestone! I wasn’t sure if this day would ever get here but I made it! I continue to be humbled by the way God is moving in my life and how he has taken a “train wreck” of a women and turned her into a warrior for his kingdom. I’m in awe of his great love for his children and my faith is growing stronger daily. I have my struggles and this road is not always easy but I take comfort in the fact that he has a plan for my life! He has a plan for everyone’s life! We can’t always see the big picture but we have to continue to daily take those little steps in faith and trust that God is in control. Even when we don’t feel like he’s listening I promise you he’s there. So let me tell you about my week….
The theme God has been laying on my heart has been “Let it go” (everyone quotes Frozen). He has been showing me that I’m holding on to my past instead of leaving it where it belongs. In the past! I have felt haunted this week by memories of all of the mistakes I have ever made. They were popping into my mind throughout my days and coming to visit me in my dreams. I have honestly felt like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh with a little dark rain cloud hanging out above my head and I will tell you that positive thinking and motivating others was not what I wanted to be doing. I would have been content in my “pity party” if it wasn’t for the fact that I despise victimizing myself and negativity has no place in my life! I’m fortunate that I know some amazing women who are always quick to lift me up when the black cloud comes to visit and don’t allow me to feel sorry for myself. I have had to take a step back, breathe, and just pray. I’ve screamed “Yes all of those terrible sins I committed them! I did every one of those things but thats not who I am anymore! It’s never who I was meant to be! Its who I was without my savior”! After I got that fit all out of my system I was fired up again! I was ready to continue on with my mission!
Then it happened. Negative criticism! I knew to be expecting this but I’ve received so much encouragement from people I know to complete strangers that I wasn’t quite prepared for how to react when I received some “not so kind” opinions. Hurt. That was the reaction I had. I’ve been called some choice words, told that I was a terrible mother, and that I would relapse. Devastating blow for someone who is already very self-critical but as I prayed about it God revealed to me the pain in these people. I began to see the struggles and hurt in their own lives and instead of taking their comments personally I prayed for their peace. I know that for the simple fact that I openly confess to some terrible sins and that I talk about Jesus I am going to be judged. Thats ok because I know that God is sending the people to me that need to hear my message. He knows my heart and how much mercy and love I have for people. Especially people in pain. No matter what the pain is. I’ve been looking into the lives of the people who are following me on social media’s, the people liking my photos, and the people commenting to my posts. God is using me to reach a wide range of people! I’m reaching not only other Christians but also addicts of all forms, atheists, teens, people passionate about fitness, homosexuals, self-mutilators, depressed people, emo people, lovers of rock n roll, and etc. Basically a large following of the misunderstood and I love every single one of them. I don’t care what their hang up is or if they don’t believe the same way I do. Its not my place to put judgement on anyone. I’m here to just show love and compassion towards others and help people to the best of my abilities. So if I have to take some negative blows to my character to reach out to the hundreds who are giving love and encouragement and sharing their journey’s with me then so be it! I finally feel like my life has meaning and that makes my mission beyond worth it. I’m blessed beyond measure and grateful for this crazy, chaotic, wonderful life I live!
Much love to you all!