Once upon a time I thought a marriage was supposed to be like a fairy tale. I thought that I was supposed to find my Prince Charming and live happily ever after. I wasn’t prepared for the work that goes into having a successful marriage. My husband and I only dated a few months, fell in love, and were quickly married. I had a daughter Haylee that was two at the time we began our lives as a family and Chris and I were both ready to expand immediately. On our honeymoon our first child together was conceived. I can remember the day I told my husband he was going to be a father and watching his face turn white as a ghost! After the initial shock wore off we were both very excited and couldn’t wait to share our joy with our family. Our story seemed to be starting off perfect.
Unfortunately 10 weeks into our pregnancy God called our baby home. For any family that has experienced a miscarriage I’m sure you can relate to the devastation we felt. Our families were very supportive and I can remember my mother in law saying “If I hadn’t lost one of my babies I wouldn’t have Chris”. This comment didn’t really sink in until the day our beautiful baby boy Haden was born. Then ten months later we found out that our second son Heath was on his way. As blessed as I felt that our family was complete, going from a family of three into a family of five in three years caused a lot of strain in our marriage. Being that my daughter is a special needs child I had three children all in diapers and a husband who worked very long hours. I was riding a crazy train of emotions, I was exhausted, and had no idea how to communicate what I was going through to my husband.
Six months after my third child was born my battle with alcoholism yet again started rearing its ugly head. My heart became hardened towards my husband and I was completely lost in my depression and my addiction. Instead of being the princess I had always dreamed about I became the evil queen. The only real love I felt anymore was for my children and I knew they deserved so much better than me. Luckily for me my Prince Charming didn’t give up. Even though I was completely living in a world of darkness he stood by me and endured all the misery I put him through.
I’m very happy to say that the story doesn’t end here. One day my lost soul had an encounter with the most mighty king of all! My savior. Jesus Christ. He brought me back to a life in the light. He started healing my broken heart and through him I became a new creation. I work hard daily to be the woman he always intended for me to be and in the process I’m becoming the wife and mother I always wanted to be. I’m no longer sad that my life is not perfect because life was never meant to be perfect. Instead I’m grateful and I accept people for who they really are. Flaws and all!
This acceptance has helped me to fall back in love with my husband. I now see that just because he wasn’t loving me the way I thought I was supposed to be loved never meant that he didn’t love me. He just loves differently then I do. He shows love by working hard to give his family a comfortable life. We have everything we need. He shows love by reading our boys bedtime stories before tucking them in. He shows love by always making sure we can afford for our daughter to receive the best medical treatments available to her. He shows love by building us things with his own two hands and as for the way he loves me, at night one arm wraps around me. Not because he is an affectionate guy by any means but because he knows at the end of my day I need to be held.
So maybe he didn’t scoop me up on a white horse and ride off into the sunset but he did hold this beautiful family together when I couldn’t. So today if your feeling like your marriage isn’t worth it anymore or you think you’ve fallen out of love. Keep in mind that God restores, heals, and will fill your love tanks back up if you let him. Remember that if your feeling like you didn’t get the fairy tale you always wanted that maybe, just maybe, your living the fairy tale that you really always needed.
Be blessed friends!