So it has been awhile since I’ve blogged. It’s been an entire year actually. It’s crazy how quickly time can slip away from us! I meant to take only a summer break and then life happened as it does but God has relit my fire and I’ve been more motivated than ever to live my call!
I keep thinking back to last summer, what led to me taking a break, how I was feeling, and how much I’ve grown in my faith walk since then. I remember feeling a bit angry and negative about life at that time and I really didn’t believe that anything I had to say would have been encouraging to anyone. There was a point in my recovery that I felt like I was surrounded by others walking the same walk as me. Battling the same battle as me. People who knew what it felt like to be a little bit different and how hard some days can be. Then it was like suddenly everyone kind of went away. Some of the crew felt led to move on to different churches and some relapsed. To be honest I felt lonely and my heart was hurting. It also put a bit of fear in me. If these people could relapse could I? I began questioning everything. I don’t know how to explain the feeling of seeing people who you love and that have helped you on your own journey choose to go back down destructive paths. Heart wrenching. Unfortunately so often relapse is part of recovery. I had to remind myself how many times I failed in the past and pray that everyone finds their way back. I’m grateful that when people leave your life God sends others to you. That season of loneliness was short lived.
God has been maturing my heart over this past year. I know with every fiber of my being that recovery ministry is part of my call and in order for me to do that he has shown me that I have to really start seeing people. Seeing the person not the addiction. See the person that God intended for them to be and I can’t take it personally if they fall. It’s going to happen. That is for God to handle and not for me to judge. It’s for me to pray for and love them through it. Love people the way I would want them to love me if I were to ever fall.
If today you are dealing with an addiction or you love someone with an addiction I want you to know that you are not alone. You are going to have days were you feel like “Am I the only person trying to live a sober life on this planet?!” You’re not. I promise. God is going to send like-minded people to surround you. You are going to have days that you think “I’m over this.” “I’m over feeling like this.” Hang in there because it is going to get better. Those bad days that you are having right now from refraining from your addiction are going to turn into bad moments. Then one day your going to realize that your addiction no longer consumes your thoughts. Then another day your going to realize you can still feel that addiction laying underneath the surface, you know that it’s there, but it no longer controls you. You are finally in control of your mind, your body, your life. More importantly God is now in control. Everyday that you fight the urge to fall back into your addiction you are one step closer to being free. Keep praying. Keep fighting. Much love friends!