This weekend as a woman prayed over me she said “God is seeking intimacy with you” and that word intimacy made me immediately uncomfortable. I wasn’t even sure why. What does intimacy with God even mean or look like?
So I went seeking for the answer. “God are you feeling like I don’t give enough of myself to you?” What I found is the arm length distance that I keep with God. The same kind of distance I keep with people. There is an uncomfortable feeling when my bubble is breached.
For me that arm length boils down to trust. Have I been fully trusting God to come through for me? I fully trust Him when praying for others but I found the answer for myself to be no. If I open my bubble that means my heart is open to being hurt or disappointed. If I don’t trust with everything I have then it won’t hurt as bad if a prayer isn’t answered or if a dream doesn’t come to pass. This feels safe.
I decided that isn’t how I want to live. I want to trust fully for my husband to love Jesus more than me. I want to trust fully for my daughters healing and that my sons will become great men of God. I want to trust with everything I have that my family will travel this world together sharing God’s truth. I don’t want to live “safe.”💓
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV