Can we talk about fear, pain, denial, and shame for a moment? The other day my friend said she would like to know more about my story and was curious why I don’t share my journey on social media. The short answer to my response was “I use to.”
I had to sit with this and ask myself why I stopped sharing and the answer I found was “fear.” The same fear that would constantly stop me from admitting I had a battle with alcohol, also stopped me from continuing to share my journey.
I have gut wrenching fear of how others perceive me. Seriously. What are people saying after they read something I’ve written or listen to my testimony? Will someone say something negative about me in front of their children who will then say something negative to my children? This my friends is how fear keeps us from being a light.
After the 2 years free from Alcohol mark, I noticed that I couldn’t look at Recovery type posts. I couldn’t read others stories, hurts, or victories. It wasn’t until my drive home yesterday that God revealed to me why. “Pain.” Seeing others stories brought my own, at times still very raw, pain to the surface. With that pain often comes shame. So I reverted back to my lifetime coping skill of denial to protect myself. With denial, I could pretend that my old self never existed.
Fear is a liar……….
Truth on the other hand tells me that not one soul in my sweet little community has ever said one negative to me or my children. The opposite has in fact happened. Truth tells me that when we bring fear into the light then we find victory. Truth says to work through the pain so others can see Jesus in me. Truth says there is no set time frame for healing.
Advice: Surround yourself with people who push you to grow.